Today’s post is number three is a Three Part Series.
Click here for Post One: Sacred Encoding: Help is on the Way
Click here for Post Two: Healing Trauma: The Return of Lost Memories
My life changed years ago when I was awakened to see that I am living a divine life. Things stopped happening by chance and began happening in a very orderly and synchronistic fashion. I was fascinated, so I stepped back and began to observe the reality show called “my life.”
In this show one mystical thing leads to another. I call it Connecting the Dots of the Divine.
As previous posts mentioned, I’ve needed lots of Universal assistance. Fortunately, it appears without fail. The help I’m sharing about today arrived in the form of a blog post by Dan L. Hays, entitled Independence Day- Little Danny Set Free.
About a week after I read Dan’s post I found myself distraught over yet another newly uncovered memory of trauma. The details were beginning to flood into my mind. It was early morning. Needing comfort, I went outside to sit quietly and listen to nature. I began the deep breathing that would lead me into a meditation. It was my intention to call home the fragments of my soul, the essence of me still attached to the past trauma. One second I was trying to relax and clear my mind, the next moment the meditation took on a life of its own morphing into a healing visualization.
While I’m no stranger to visualizations, typically I remain aware of the part of me that is writing and directing the script. However, this time I was not writing. I was watching. The spectator, and yet bizarrely, I was also starring in the show.
The following is what spontaneously happened to me while I was meditating. Remember, this did not actually happen in real life.
Sixteen
I watched in silence as she emerged from blackness and began walking slowly toward me across the pavement. Although I didn’t want to take my eyes off of her, I did want to know where I was. I looked around quickly. Nausea rushed through me and settled in my throat. I recognized this parking lot.
A faint light emanated from a lonely light post. I couldn’t see past the area of the parking lot. My whole view was only black asphalt, a dim light, more black nothingness, and her.
We were completely alone.
Once she reached me, she crumpled, dropping to her knees and falling forward. Burying her face in her hands, she didn’t care about her long ratted hair piling up around her on the ground. She looked so small. Her tiny body was heaving, releasing anguish.
I looked down at the younger me, my heart aching with compassion. I/she was only Sixteen.
Sixteen’s hair hid her tear soaked face. Her light green miniskirt was dirty and her tanned legs were smeared with streaks of mud and blood. I reached down intending to take her in my arms hoping she’d allow me to. After all, it had been twenty-seven years since I left her in alone in the dark.
“It’s going to be okay now,” I said softly. Bending over, I reached for her hand to pick her up but she snatched it from me. I noticed the filthy bandage. White tape was struggling to hold in place what had earlier been white gauze.
A memory flashed through my mind. Motley Crue. Cal Expo. Climbing over a razor barbed wire fence. The disapproving look on the face of the Expo medic who bandaged it for me. I’d told her that I smashed it in the car door.
I looked down at my forty-three-year-old hand. A long white scar ran from the base of the middle finger through my palm. Shuddering, I remembered the doctor telling me the next day that it was too deep to be stitched. Never heard of that before.
Trying again to help Sixteen, I now put my hands under her arms, lifted her and held her steady until her legs were willing to hold her up.
“You’re with me now and I’m going to take care of you,” I promised.
Her body was rigid in response to my arms being around her. I knew she yearned for a safe embrace, but she didn’t trust me and I didn’t blame her. As broken as she was, as badly as she needed comfort, she still pulled away from me long enough to look me in the eyes and flash the “I don’t need you” look of defiance.Behind her front, I saw pure pain. Self-loathing. Shame.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” I said. “Do you know that what happened wasn’t your fault?”
Her eyes began to well with more tears.
“Just because you went out with Joe didn’t give him permission to rape you,” I said softly.
“This is about what’s broken within Joe,” I continued. “It was his choice, his crime, a result of his anger toward his life that he took out on you.”
“But some part of me knew he was dangerous.” Sixteen said out loud. In her mind, she continued with “so, I got what was to be expected, I guess.”
I could hear her thoughts. The critic within her mind started reminding her of the stories she’d told herself to offset her fear of Joe.
Before I went out with him, he had a beautiful, rich and popular girlfriend for a long time. Surely if he was a bad guy, she wouldn’t have stayed with him.
I listened as her thoughts circled back around to self-blame.
Still, you knew he was kinda scary. You’re the stupid one who wore a miniskirt and got into the car with those two boys that night. Idiot!
“You aren’t stupid, I said, responding to her thoughts,” and what you wear doesn’t give someone the right to harm you. A miniskirt doesn’t mean you are walking around asking to be raped.” I said. “It’s always a good idea to exercise caution in life and do your best to avoid sketchy situations, however, if something bad happens to YOU, that doesn’t make it your fault. The guilt lies with the person who chooses to commit the crime. Period. Our society still hasn’t corrected this innuendo, the blaming the victim. Sixteen, I hope you believe me when I tell you that society is often very wrong in their collective mentality, their “collective unconsciousness.”
I was hoping she wouldn’t rebuff me as I continued, “The only reason you ever chose to hang out with Joe in the first place is because you don’t know how valuable you are. There’s something very special about you. You’re amazing- An absolutely magical blend of tender heart and warrior strong. You deserve the most loving people in your life. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”
She was listening.
What I know now at this age is that in every situation there’s something to learn. It’s not about blame. So I asked her, “Do you remember how you felt when you heard stories about Joe picking fights with other boys? You were really anxious, right?”
She nodded.
“That was your internal guidance system. Your intuition let you know that he was unsafe to be around. Do you remember what you told yourself to override that feeling?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she said, “I figured that all boys on the football team probably get off on fighting with others. It makes sense because it’s an aggressive sport.”
I nodded and explained, “It was in that moment that you discounted your own wisdom. The lesson here is that you don’t have to trust what your mind says. You don’t even have to listen to what others tell you. But, you can trust your feelings. If you pay attention to how you feel around people, that will be all the information you need to know. Your feelings will show you who to steer clear of and those who aren’t safe to be around.”
She looked confused.
“I’m not saying that’s easy. The trick it to not allow the mind to negotiate. If you feel a little uneasy, no matter how small, pay attention to it. Learning this one thing, will completely change your life. I promise.”
I asked Sixteen if she was ready to try and heal this long held wound. She looked doubtful, but she nodded.
Calling out for God, I asked that our angel guides and our family of love and light be with us. I knew it would be good for Sixteen to see the powerful otherworldly support she had for this life. Our angel guides, Fred and Arianna arrived with Aslan, our lion.
Standing close to us, they blended their energy with ours, completely encompassing the adult me, and the Sixteen-year-old me. Behind our inner circle, I could see a second, much larger circle of glowing light in the shape of more angels.
As we watched, our guides established a strong energy field ready to assist in the formal release of Sixteen’s long carried darkness. She bent over at the waist and her body started trembling. Moving to her side, Aslan leaned against her supporting her weight.
Then it began.
As she sobbed, dark wisps of pain energy began to rise from her body. Guided by the angels it was directed to a healing station on the other side of this realm. The black mist continued and continued until light began to shine from above. Twenty-seven years of silence, grief and emotional pain had been acknowledged and then set free.
She stood up straight as the golden light shone down on the top of her head. In my mind I heard, restoration of spirit. When the darkness has gone, it may be replaced with the warmth of inner love/light.
The healing session was complete. We thanked the angels as they said goodbye for now, and disappeared from our sight.
“Wow,” Sixteen said. “Are those your angels?”
“They’re OUR angels,” I told her, smiling at her awe. “From now on, let’s stay together,” I suggested, “and let them take care of us.”
End of visualization.
Much later that day, I was reflecting on the vivid nature of my EXPERIENCE wondering where the heck it had come from. I was marveling at the complexity of the mind and the brilliance of the divine. I realized my subconscious had been imprinted when I read Dan’s post. When the time was right the imprint went to work inside one of my regular meditations.
While the experience was incredibly powerful for me, I’d feel negligent leaving this story with the implication hanging that one visualization has healed everything related to this incident.
For me, this very special meditation was a tool that I’d been missing. It took me on a journey back in time to begin a conversation with the parts of me that I’ve held in the darkness. I was then able to give those shunned parts all the love, understanding and compassion they never received. It was the beginning of a process in which I ask all parts of my soul to rejoin me so that I may honor their experiences. We can then work together to heal. Mind you, I also believe that healing doesn’t have to be full time work. I’m not ruling out the option of instant healing. Through my Creator all things are possible.
When I read Dan’s post, this visualization was triggered in me. So now I send out my words with love and hope, and ask spirit to guide them to those who need to hear this message.
Peace & Love,
Kim
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There is a higher order in a world that appears chaotic.









