Recently, I received divine communication that it’s time to publish an excerpt from my book New From The Inside Out: How to Transform Your Mind and Your Life, to this blog.
The time for forgiveness is upon us.
As you head into the New Year, I hope you will find yourself in a place of considering forgiveness for those who have harmed you. As we move closer to a better world, filled with peace, and the vibration of love, it’s time to let go of the things that weigh us down and hold us back. We are meant to be free of emotional pain.
Forgiving the Family Legacy
Let’s take a look at the issue of family legacy. The conditioning that begins early in life is unique to every individual. The divine spark that is our soul makes a choice to come into a situation best suited for its evolution. It may land in emotionally distant families, violent families, abusive families, families where there is addiction, and families where there is sexual abuse. These are usually the conditions set by the family legacy. They’re the conditions in which unconscious people pass on the dysfunction of their heritage.
First, let me say that something’s gone horribly wrong in the life of the person who brings harm to another. When a parent is passing on a legacy that causes trauma, it’s likely that they’re desensitized due to their own traumatic experiences. The parent loses the ability to notice the pattern is repeating itself. They certainly don’t notice that they’re now the one participating in hurtful behavior. If the childhood pain of the parent is too much for them to handle they may never realize that they could change their life for the better. Instead, it’s like they move through life compounding negativity. They may develop behaviors that would be deemed as mental illness. They may turn to drugs and alcohol to escape the pain they cannot process.
I’m going to start with a hypothetical story. In my example, a child named Donnie is born, and his father leaves the family in his early infancy. His mother later remarries a man named Alec, who is cruel and unkind to young Donnie. Alec is an alcoholic who’s quick to punish using physical abuse. That abuse often goes too far. The mother doesn’t protect Donnie because she, too, is afraid of Alec. This story takes place in the Sixties, a time of free love, nudity, sex, and drugs. Mom and Alec take drugs together, Alec to get high, Mom to numb her feelings about her marriage. Because of those conditions in his home Donnie is exposed early to inappropriate sexual contact.
If Donnie grows up and never seeks healing, he’s likely to carry on a version of the legacy that looks something like this: He marries but never truly connects to his wife. Because his mom didn’t protect him, he believes women can’t be trusted. Donnie goes on to have children, but doesn’t know how to connect with them either. He’s physically there in their lives, yet he’s not truly present. He drinks a six-pack every night so he can numb the feelings of anger and irritation that come up during the day. Because his parents were emotionally disconnected, Donnie never learned to see his own kids as the precious beings they are. Instead, they often get on his nerves and he lashes out by saying things that crush their spirits or by spanking them. He has no concept of privacy or sexual boundaries, and therefore crosses boundaries into abuse.
Donnie is passing along a harmful family legacy, but from his perspective, the life he’s given his children is still much better than the one he had. Because Donnie didn’t like to talk about his youth, his wife and children never really learn what happened to him when he was young. In their eyes, he’s quite simply an a**hole.
So where does forgiveness come in? Isn’t that a**hole responsible for his behavior?
If that’s the thought you want to hold onto (righteous or justified anger), you won’t find forgiveness. I don’t ask you to condone Donnie’s behavior, but forgiveness does speak differently. It says, Please consider the origin of the legacy. I urge you to look back at Donnie’s childhood and see how he became a wounded human being. Something terrible happened in his early conditioning to create such a miserable man. After all, we come in as loving spirits from the Source.
It’s tragic that our hypothetical Donnie doesn’t break the cycle. He’s blind to everything but his own unhealed childhood trauma. It rages inside him, barely contained beneath the surface, smothering any hope for true joy. By staying focused on misery and drinking alcohol each night, he is deadening his ability to awaken and become a conscious contributor to his own life and those around him. He remains incapable of noticing that his behavior is very much like that of his father and stepfather.
Now imagine that Donnie has a son named Jake. What will Jake be like when he becomes a father? Jake will carry the pain of how Donnie let him down. He will try to block the memories of the cruel things his father, Donnie, said to him, and he’ll try to forget about how crushed he always felt when his father didn’t show up to his baseball games. It’s very likely that Jake won’t be able to see how he lets his own children down.
That’s the way the cycle works. When we continue to focus on, and numb our own pain, we don’t see the pain we’re creating in the lives of our loved ones.
While we all have the option of ending the family legacy, some of us, because of our mental state, just aren’t capable of waking up. If you have a person in your life that’s harmed you, I urge you to take a look at their legacy. I’m not asking you to make allowances for bad behavior. I’m not suggesting that you keep mean-spirited people in your life because “they had it rough.” You’re still responsible for who you allow to be part of your life.
What I’m suggesting is that if you need to forgive someone, consider their history. You may be quite shocked to find that the pain they caused you is the pain they suffered or learned in their conditioning. What you’ve encountered is another wounded human who hasn’t yet found a way to heal and forgive.
There’s such hope in family forgiveness. What would happen if we were to rewrite Jake’s story from a place of forgiveness? What kind of legacy might that create? Let’s take a look at the rewrite below:
When Jake was a young man he noticed that he didn’t like feeling angry. From a very young age, he had goals for his life. He wanted to build a family life that was everything he never had. His mental picture included a loving wife and a close, loving relationship with his children. In his visions now, he sees himself watching his daughter at ballet recitals and coaching his son’s baseball team. He can visualize the love, comfort, and joy. He realizes that the anger he’s felt since childhood is not part of this plan.
Jake has made the conscious decision to live his life in awareness. He has learned all he can about his anger, like where it came from, how to control it, and how to release it. He has become his own man, and he’s no longer subject to the influences of the poor relationships that surround him or the bad advice given by his single buddies. When he met his future wife, he treasured her and dedicated himself to learning good relationship skills. When his wife got pregnant, he read parenting books with her. He changed the course of his own life and created a family legacy of love. As part of Jake’s evolutionary process, he has arrived at empathy for the life his father Donnie lived. He is now able to forgive Donnie. Jake’s soul is completely free.
End of excerpt.
That’s what forgiveness does, free the soul. While this excerpt isn’t mean to be one-size-fits-all, I hope it does open up space inside you. If there’s someone you need to forgive, I hope it will serve as the encouragement to free yourself.
Peace & Love,
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© 2010 Kim Vazquez All rights reserved. www.kimvazquez.com You may make copies of this message and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and web address.