Is Loving Yourself First Selfish? Is Self Sacrifice Unselfish Love?
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If you put yourself first, you are selfish. When you truly love others, you put them first.


If these old stories are still bumping around in your thoughts, I hope you’ll keep reading and try on a new story. Picture me standing in front of you with my hands on your shoulders. Here it comes … I’m going to give you a loving shake.

First, let’s talk about selfishness. If I step into the energy of selfishness, my position and views on the world become about me. How do I feel about things? How can I get what I want? When I’m thinking this way, I view myself as separate from you. I have needs and wants that I’d like to have met. I want you to meet my needs. If I need love, I would like for you to give me love. Whatever is broken about my life, I’d like for you to help me fix it. I expect things of you (and the world). But I don’t consider how you feel about my request. The only acceptable behavior out of you is to act according to my needs. If there’s a cost to others in getting my needs met, I don’t consider it. When I say “consider,” what I mean is that it’s not part of my thought process at all.

Am I capable of giving to others if I’m selfish? Yes, I can still give to others, but if you take a close look at my behavior, you’ll find a string attached. I may not demand something of you in the moment, but since my selfish thinking says, If I do this for you, you owe me, it will show up in the future. It will commonly show up when I want something and I’m afraid that I may not get my way. If I gave it a voice, it would say, I did [fill in the blank] for you. The least you could do is [fill in the blank] for me. I chalk my good deeds up on the scoreboard so I can make sure that I “get mine” back from you.

Self-Sacrifice

Now let’s talk about self-sacrifice. Many of us live with the notion that when we sacrifice ourselves we are giving unselfishly. That we are practicing unselfish love.

But I say that sacrifice is not the honorable act it’s been made out to be.

Self-sacrifice is a confusing energy that tells you that you’ll build yourself up by giving to others, although it it actually tears you down by depleting your energetic resources.

When we sacrifice, we give at a cost to ourselves. We discount our needs and show those around us that they may also discount our needs. The energy of sacrifice gives when it doesn’t want to give, when it doesn’t have the resources to give, or because it thinks it “has to give.” Sacrifice is a playground for the ego. The ego will encourage you to sacrifice in order to deplete you. When you’re in a state of depletion, you don’t have a defense against negativity. You become vulnerable to the festering lower vibrations of stress, resentment, anger, and fear. Be clear about this: Sacrifice is depletion energy. Depletion and unselfish love are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

How can you tell when you’re in the energy of depletion and sacrifice? If someone comes to ask you for help, check your reflex response. Are you irritated? Feeling snippy? Do you feel resentful that they dare ask for even more of you? If you allowed sacrifice to speak, it would take a bitter tone and inform you that whoever you are giving to, be it your boss, a family member, or your spouse, that person is getting their needs met over your own.

Self-Love

Now I’m going to ask you to consider what it’s like to love yourself. When we love ourselves, there’s no cost to another person. Why? Because we don’t need anyone else’s participation. We don’t require another person to do something for us in order to feel our own love. We naturally shy away from sacrifice, ours, or anyone else’s. We don’t rationalize selfish behavior and call it self-love because self-love doesn’t manipulate. Instead, it gives an honest appraisal of how to best care for ourselves, then does so, thereby raising us up to the highest vibration level.

On that level we have so much more to offer others.

Self-love is about honoring yourself. I encourage you to ask yourself that question. Am I honoring myself?

Do you need some mental pictures of what love and honor look like? Picture yourself eating regular, healthy meals and snacks throughout the day in order to sustain your energy. That’s love. Picture yourself drinking water over coffee. That’s love. Picture yourself quieting your mind, rather than allowing it to run amuck and drain you when you are “resting.” That’s love. Picture yourself politely declining projects that will leave you unhappy because they take from you something you don’t wish to give (your time with loved ones, your energy, etc). That’s love. Picture yourself playing and choosing to bring laughter into your life. That’s love. Picture yourself gently speaking your truth when your feelings have been hurt. That’s love. Picture yourself refraining from speaking negatively about yourself. Trade “That was stupid,” for “I am perfectly human.” That’s love. Picture yourself creating a nurturing, comfortable environment to live in. That’s love. Picture yourself seeking the approval of the love within you (divine love) as opposed to the approval of others. That’s love.

These are only a few of the ways to show yourself love. I encourage you to find the thousands of others.

Now imagine what happens when you model self-love. Those around you will be called higher. When you feed yourself well, you will inevitably influence those around you to eat better. If you model for your children that you rest when you’re tired, they will know to rest when they’re tired. If you speak of yourself using only loving words those around you will find that words of a lower vibration don’t seem to apply to you. How different would life be if we had learned as children to define ourselves and not allow others to do it for us? By modeling love for ourselves, we encourage those around us to also love themselves.

When we love ourselves first, we get closer to our divine state. That brings us to unselfish love.

Unselfish Love

As we begin to meet our own needs from a place of love, something shifts internally. That internal shift brings us to our natural state of being love. When we are comfortable loving ourselves, we become comfortable with others loving themselves, too. Things that may have hurt our feelings before, like someone telling us “no,” will no longer hurt our feelings because we will celebrate when we witness others acting with honor toward themselves.

Because unselfish love knows that we are all One, it views us all as the whole. Because I’m rested, well-fed, and connected to my highest self, should someone need my help, I would love to help them. The state of unselfish love can be expressed as follows: I understand that as I help you, my needs are also being met. Without having a conscious thought of this, in universal law, as I give to you I set in motion love to return to me. So as I give to you unselfishly, with no expectation that you will help me in return, it is guaranteed in the future that I will experience these things. My unselfish love for the world is the reward in itself. It fills me with joy to give you the gift of my service.

Unselfish love will fill you with joy and uplift you, sacrifice will tear you down and deplete you. Very different energies indeed!

I hope this post will inspire you to begin treating yourself like the treasure you are. Why not start today?

Peace & Love~

Kim

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© 2010 Kim Vazquez All rights reserved. www.kimvazquez.com You may make copies of this message and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and web address.

 

Coffee With a Side of Angel Guidance
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coffee-cup-angelIt was a Monday night around 5:30, and I was standing in the kitchen, setting my mug in the sink when I heard a voice in my head say, That’s six cups of coffee for today. Was it really six? I wondered. I never count.

I understand that voice to be my divine guidance, so when it starts counting for me, I treat that message very differently than the alerts that come from my husband. I only hear nagging out of his mouth when he counts what number cup of coffee I’m drinking today. “You should drink more water,” is one of his favorite reminders. He’s told me on numerous occasions that he drinks one glass of water for every cup of coffee. Stop bugging me, I think at him, though I don’t say it aloud.

Looking back over the past couple of weeks, I can see that conversations about coffee have been frequent. Awareness is creeping around, knocking on my door. Do you see me yet?

It’s the next day, Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. and I’m lying face down on the massage table waiting for a new masseuse. Tina comes in and takes her place on the stool. As she begins to rub the back of my neck and head, she also begins to talk. Great, I think to myself. I want to relax. I don’t want to have a conversation.

“The little headaches you’ve been having have to do with dehydration,” she says. “You really need to increase your water intake.”

I never told you that I was having headaches. Again, I don’t reply out loud, but only think this.

Tina is still rubbing my head. Her voice is matter-of-fact. “All the coffee you’re drinking is really dehydrating you,” she says. Then she begins to tell me about the muscles in the back of my neck and head.

My mind drifts…I’m not interested in the details.

She goes on. “These knots that you have in your upper back area,” she says, pushing on the one near my shoulder blade, “these are toxins in your system that can’t be released because of your dehydration.”

What? My mind is back in the present now.

“I hope you realize that the coffee you’re drinking is stealing water from your body,” she continues. “The coffee drains the water out of your body, so it takes it from your muscles and leaves them parched. When they’re dry, they get sore and your body starts to ache.”

She’s right. My body has been aching.

She continues teaching by moving her hands over different parts of my body and explaining how coffee intake and water deficiency were affecting each part of my system. Her course is very detailed, but I’ve stopped wishing for her to be quiet. Now I’m listening intently.

Okay, I know I need to stop with the coffee, I say to myself. I could go back to tea or green tea.

“In case you’re thinking about tea or green tea,” Tina says, “I don’t think either of those are going to be good for you.”

Is she reading my mind? I can’t help but start to chuckle. This is pretty amusing. If I think she should stop talking, I wonder, would she stop?

She’s still lecturing. “The reason you’re drinking coffee is because you’re tired, but the reason you’re tired is because you’re dehydrated from too much coffee. You could also use some potassium in your system.” She finishes by telling me to buy electrolyte water at Trader Joe’s and vitamin water with potassium, too.

I’m laughing out loud by now. From the moment she started talking, I knew exactly what was going on. When my angelic guides want me to learn something, they’ll go to any lengths to make sure I hear it. For weeks, they’d been knocking gently on the door of my awareness, but I’d been refusing to listen. The time to get the message is now. They couldn’t wait any longer, so I’d been made a captive audience and given a proper education in the error of my ways.

I speak out loud: “I want you to know that I get your message,” I say. And then I think to myself, I really need the rest of this massage done in quiet.

And it is.

When the angels try this hard to get my attention, I know they know the time to change is now. They can see what’s coming down the pike. In this case, the angels knew how busy my life was about to get. They knew I would need every ounce of energy that was waiting to come to me naturally.

The guidance many of us receive on a daily basis is nothing short of a miracle, but we still have trouble noticing the communication when it comes and we aren’t ready for it. Sometimes we just gloss over the interaction, even when it’s this big.

I wonder if your Angel guides are trying to teach you something about your life right now…

Peace & Love,

Kim

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Have You Been Told You’re Too Sensitive? You Might be an Empath
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What is an Empath?

This word comes from “empathy,” which means vicariously experiencing of the thoughts and feelings of another. Empathy is not to be confused with sympathy. When I’m sympathetic, I feel sorry for you. When I’m empathic, I actually feel your pain.

Are you an Empath?

Have people told you throughout your life that you’re “too sensitive” or said, “You need to develop thicker skin”? When you see stories about others who are suffering, do you feel the energy of it deeply? Have you been called “overly emotional” because you cry easily? Is it hard for you to watch horror movies or the news? Do you feel queasy when people tell you graphic stories with disturbing themes? Are you deeply affected when people around you are upset? Have you unconsciously mirrored another person’s feelings or attitude when you’re in their presence? Have you regularly felt cheated because other people don’t care about you as deeply as you care about them?

An Empath is a very sensitive person who feels everything deeply. Empaths will blend with and absorb the energy of people around us who are suffering. Beware- our ability to feel everything can make it too easy to become codependent because we often don’t know where we end and another person begins. If we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships, for example, the toll those relationships can take on our energy is devastating.

When we don’t understand the gift of empathy,

it can take over our lives.

are-you-an-empathWe turn into huge sponges soaking up the suffering and pain of the world. Most of us are too sensitive to hear stories of abuse or violence without negative reactions. That’s because, in our soul, we can’t understand how anyone could bring that kind of pain to another. When we see movies filled with human suffering or graphic violence, those sights will often stay with us for days, or even weeks, afterward. We absorb those scenes and their energy, and it fills our gut, where it will linger as an unsettled feeling. I remember when I saw Hotel Rwanda. I cried for four days. The images kept rising to my mind. I was, quite honestly, tortured by the images in that movie.

At the core of this sensitivity lies a gift. Empaths have a lot to offer the world. We can deeply affect others through our positivity, compassion, and excellent listening skills. We have a way of naturally validating others and uplifting them. When this gift is used for the highest good of humanity, it can bring depths of connection and fulfillment not only to those around us, but to ourselves. Isn’t that what we long for?

So how do you get there? You have to learn to release the weight of the world from your shoulders and allow others to be responsible for themselves. If you’ve acquired a victim mindset (very likely because the common focus has been suffering), before you can help anyone, you will need to release this weight. We need to become healthy in all of our relationships by learning to connect without merging our energies or absorbing the pain of those around us. We do this by setting boundaries, practicing compassionate distance, and becoming responsible for only ourselves. That is to say; we need to learn to care for ourselves, first and foremost. We need to practice self-love. We also need to avoid negativity by minimizing our time engaged in lower energy activities. For example, I no longer watch the news at all. I stop people who begin to tell me the latest news report of abduction or murder. There is absolutely no reason for me to spend time in that energy. It doesn’t change anything that’s occurred and it doesn’t honor the victim in any way.

It also helps to practice shielding. Empaths are often walking around as wide-open energy. Therefore, when we come across an angry person or very negative situation, we begin to soak up that energy. Instead of being a sponge, when you find yourself talking with toxic people, picture a force field around yourself, bouncing the negativity off so it cannot reach you. You can call this shield the white light of protection or you can visualize it with color and infuse it with angelic assistance. Pink is a wonderfully neutralizing color. Picture purple if you are in very draining situations.

Although my latest book, New From the Inside Out: How to Transform Your Mind and Your Life, was not written specifically for Empaths, it does contain a ton of information that will help them find a more comfortable place in the world.

Peace and love ~

Kim
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© 2010 Kim Vazquez All rights reserved. www.kimvazquez.com You may make copies of this message and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and web address.

 

Having a strange week? You’re not losing it!
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If you’ve noticed that there was something going on in the world this week, you’re not alone. And you’re not losing it! You’re adjusting.

The week beginning March 22, 2010, has been an unusual week for many of us. This week I’ve received more requests from people seeking comfort than probably any other week that I can remember. “I feel like I’m losing it,” is the quote of the week.

If you are one of the many people having a strange week, you aren’t losing your mind. We are experiencing an energy shift here on earth, and that energy affects us all. The earth is made of energy, and you, too, are made of pure energy. (If this statement seems hard to believe, I invite you to Google Albert Einstein.) When there are changes in the earth’s air, water, or land, we also experience those energetic changes. Similarly, when there are changes in our solar system, that energy affects the earth, which also affects us. It’s all one big energy exchange.

This week there has been quite a shift. Initially, I felt it like a lightning bolt to my system. But then I began to have many other symptoms, too.

I’ve been intensely emotional, felt like a total airhead, and felt uncomfortable in my skin. Despite employing many spiritual tools, I had the overwhelming feeling that there was something I’m supposed to do, but I can’t figure out what that is. My sleep pattern is off, my dreams have been wild and vivid, and I’ve felt overwhelmed in general but with no real reason I can see. We won’t even go into my body that feels like it’s vibrating…

Each of us will integrate this energy shift in our own unique way. While I’ve felt a little loopy, others may feel a surge of excitement. You may feel slightly off, too, or even irritable. My message is this: It’s going to be okay.

What is this shift about? It’s here to assist you with releasing energy that you may be holding that’s not for your highest good, such as old pain, conditioning, and resentments. Much is happening in the dream state, so it’s no wonder that when you’re awake you might feel a little out of sorts. It takes a lot to process that type of stuff, even when you’re being assisted!

As we all acclimate to this shift and purge the old energy, I hope you will participate in a high level of self-love and self-care. Think of this process as undergoing emotional surgery. If you’re tired, please rest. If you feel weird, that’s okay. It will soon pass. If your partner is snippy, consider giving him or her a pass this time. We’re all adjusting together. Meditation and prayer work like medicine. But the best medicine of all is to help another person. When I help someone else, I don’t have time to think about myself!

Peace & Love,

Kim
I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down and click the “leave a reply” link to share your thoughts.

If you’d like to receive updates as I share more of the spiritual books I was guided to read by the angels, please provide your email at the top of the page on the right, or select RSS feed. If you do sign up, please then go check your email. If you don’t see a request for confirmation, please check your spam folder and then confirm your subscription. It’s a 2-step process for your protection.

If you like what you see here, please help me spread the love! Tweet it, share it on Facebook or email a friend with the link. All the handy links are at the bottom of this page to make it easy. Many thanks for your help. I appreciate it!

© 2010 Kim Vazquez All rights reserved. www.kimvazquez.com You may make copies of this message and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and web address.

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